Adjusting to life after cancer is far more difficult than you can imagine. It's like this thick fog starts to clear and you all of the sudden realize that the world has moved on without you. Your friends and family seem to be moving at super fast speeds and you just sit there wondering what the heck happened. It's weird. It's emotional. It's stressful and draining to figure out how to re-engage. Casual conversation doesn't come as easy, small talk seems insignificant or insincere and you see how drastically most of your relationships have changed. Some for the better, some that will need work to re-ignite and others that will need to be let go. The easiest way to describe the way I'm feeling... it's like trying to jump onto a moving treadmill. Most days it just gives me a headache and I end up taking a nap. Ha! I probably need to sleep for a year to catch up on what I've lost - so that's okay too.
The beauty that I have found in it, though, is realizing that I don't have to jump back on a treadmill that makes me sprint. I need to stop focusing on the speed of everyone else and let the treadmill slow down before I even think of getting back on. I can see myself taking a huge face plant if I get on when it's moving too quickly, that would be a sight, wouldn't it! I've been able to evaluate what's important to me and I want to carefully choose how fast I let it all go. I've done lots pondering, even deep soul searching, about many aspects of my life - including my shop, this blog and have realized how much I love it, how much I need it and how much joy it brings me. I might not start out in a designing "sprint" right away, but rest assured, my desire to create is still very much alive inside of me. This quote perfectly sums up how I feel, has been one of my favorites for quite some time and it inspires me to keep my creative side as alive and well as I can.
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